If You Can’t Be By Yourself, You Shouldn’t Be With Someone.

Before we continue, I would like you to take a moment and think about the above statement.
Take your time as you read this article and think about its contents.

When was the last time you were on your own?
Do you understand the differences between being on your own and being lonely?

If you do not know and understand yourself, how do you expect another human being to know and understand you?
If you do not stand up for yourself; for what you believe in, how do you expect another human being to do so for themselves or anyone else?

Why are you so afraid of being on your own?
Were you not on your own before you got into your first relationship?

Let us look past our first attempts at any relationship because we were young and naive, and we thought that love happens the way it’s portrayed in the movies, yeah?
Consider this as your one free pass, but:
What did you learn after reality came in and crashed your party?
Did you learn anything at all from your first real heartbreak?
Did you take a moment to set boundaries and expectations?
Did you ever stop to understand why things happened the way they happened?

Moving on is extremely rewarding, but it’s supposed to be done thoroughly and with integrity. A no hard feelings type of thing.
If you do not handle your past with the gentleness and firmness required, issues will seep in and contaminate everything.

Stop rushing into relationships based on lust, fear, pressure, and feelings.
Do your homework before settling.
No one is perfect but endeavour to choose a well-rounded person.
Stop handling commitment so lightly. Stop taking partners so lightly.
Choose a partner based on a combination of feelings, logic, and practicality.

So back to you now.
Being on your own will be difficult, but it is not impossible. It involves discipline, commitment, introspection, and vulnerability. I will let you in on a secret: Habits occur in all the spheres of our lives. They cover thought processes, sexual practices, behaviour, routine, responsibility, manners; they are everywhere!
If you know anything about habits, you know that drastic changes are near impossible. Changes have to be calculated and concise.
You cannot immediately stop seeing the three people you’ve been seeing because you have met the love of your life. There are no shortcuts when it comes to habits.

You have to like wean yourself, slowly but surely.
Have you ever committed to one person?
Have you ever been chaste?
Have you ever not done anything on purpose?
So you have never promised or given yourself anything, but you want me to believe you when you say that you will stay or that you will help me cop that Bentley?
If you cannot do right by yourself, how on earth do you expect to do right by me?

Learn to stand on your own before you take on someone else. Everyone comes with baggage. Imagine that you have not dealt with your own challenges, then you go ahead and pick someone who has not dealt with their own… Do you want to date, or do you want to solve problems?
How about you prove your worth to yourself first? Prove to yourself that you can stand by your decisions, by your standards… Prove to yourself that you can be honest, be chaste, that you can be responsible.
Your whole being will thank you; because by then, you will have established a rapport of trust. Honestly, is this not the end goal? To be in sync with your own brain and your emotions such that you have such stability that you cannot be fazed by outside forces?

Be Kind.

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