Forgive yourself and make peace with your past
We walk around with so much baggage, and while some baggage is inevitable, we carry so much that is unnecessary that our blessings don’t have space to come into our lives. Yes, you did the best you could with all the information you had, but that’s no longer enough. What are you doing to make sure you won’t get caught up in the situations that you got caught up in last time? Are you forgiving yourself? Are you working on your mindset? Learning new things? Experiencing new things?
Did you know you could reframe how you think of the past? Most of us experience life as happening to us. What if you could reframe this experience into things in life happening for you? Instead of perceiving a situation as a setback, what if you viewed it as a step forward?
Perhaps the thing you think is holding you back has released you? It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself but don’t forget, your life is in your hands. You’re responsible for yourself, and as always, every choice (made or otherwise) has consequences. It’s not too late to make peace with your past. You better be ready to dig deep as this won’t be a walk in the park. Real demands Real. Get to work!
Love who you are now and take steps to become better
Exercise kindness towards yourself because no one knows what it takes to be you. You’ve been through so much, and here you are. I hope you celebrate every triumph, no matter how small, because all your wins count, and you’ll need to draw on such memories when things aren’t going so well.
Becoming a better version of yourself is a process, not a destination. It will take a lot of deep work, a plan and a real commitment.
Love is action, and talk is cheap. You already know this. Aren’t you tired of looking into the past? Don’t you believe that you’ll have more exciting moments in the future? Don’t live your life looking back; there’s so much to look forward to. Work is due every day, and real results don’t have shortcuts.
Think of your favourite brands and Google when they were established. Try and think of the kind of planning, investment, patience and pivoting that was poured into them to get them to where they are now. They obviously made mistakes, and you will too. The point is they never stopped growing and evolving. They learnt from their mistakes, and you should too.
Invest in Yourself
Take a moment and try to imagine future you. Let’s say ten years into the future. Can you see that person? How do you want to feel when you look back in your life during this time? I’m not asking you to figure it out right now, but you do know that you’ll never be this young again, right?
Like you’re only getting older, adding a year to your current years. When’s the last time you did something nice for yourself? When’s the last time you bet on yourself? The answers you seek are not outside of you. They’re inside. Stop waiting for someone else to see your worth and value. See it now and treasure it now.
You’ll definitely have to work through your past and get rid of the dross, but you can do it. Once you’ve put your things in relative order, make a plan. Make a clear and detailed plan.
We are kept from our goal, not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal. Robert Brault.
Write down exactly what you want and how you want it. Then break it down into what you should do every month, every week and every day to bring it to fruition.
Follow this link to sign up for a free 30-day future self program: 30-day future self by Dr Benjamin Hardy
Stand for what you believe in
We both know scores of people who say they believe one thing, but their actions always point to the contrary. It’s like they’re two different people at times. I don’t think there’s anything quite as damaging as not being able to keep your word or honouring your commitments. I hope you know that we judge ourselves based on our actions. Our actions constantly signal to our unconscious who we are. Let’s imagine for a second that we’re somewhat tardy. We’re rarely on time, even when we swear and promise. The brain is aware of this action, and if sufficiently repeated, it becomes a habit. The brain and body agree that tardiness is the status quo. This is what happens for all behaviour. Your actions signal to your being the kind of person you are. Stop playing with what you do, and in case you didn’t know, inaction is also an action.
It’s like what Jordan B Peterson says “When you have something to say, silence is a lie.”
Commit to a future
So you’ve done the four things above… What now?
Victor Frankl said a man without vision distracts himself with pleasure.
I’m not asking you to become a dull person who doesn’t play by any means, but you should have a future that you’re working towards. A future that is meaningful, not expedient, to use Jordan B Peterson’s words. I pray that you always choose to challenge yourself as constantly and as humanly possible because that’s the only way you’ll grow. Staying in your comfort zone is safe, but it’s rarely ever exciting. All the wonder and excitement that life has to offer exists outside your comfort zone. You can willingly get out of it and explore the unknown on your own terms, or you can have your bubble burst for any number of reasons. The choice is yours. Imagine yourself ten years into the future. Do you think you’ll be proud of where you’ll be? If there’s even a one per cent chance that you won’t be proud of it, you can start working now to make sure that you’ll be 100% proud of where you end up because you’ll have done everything you could to have the best outcome. Most people keep their goals vague to avoid confronting themselves once they fail. Don’t fool yourself. Socrates said that the beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms. Know your shit. Be clear and concise. Break down your future into steps that you can take every month, every week, and every day. That way, you won’t have to eat a mammoth all at once.
Remember where you’ve come from. Remember the price you’ve paid and currently pay to be you. Don’t forget to be kind, especially when it’s hard. Don’t forget to forgive yourself when you do things wrong. Remember to love and treasure yourself for who you are. Don’t forget to challenge yourself to become better. Invest in yourself. Commit to a future and make a clear and detailed plan. Break down all your goals into little steps that you can take every month, every week and every day.
It’s not too late. You can be who you’ve always wanted to be and you can do most of the things you’ve always wanted to do. You’ll need a clear and detailed plan, tons of patience, perspective and a real commitment to the plans and to the person you’re trying to be.